Principal Skinner: Children, I couldn't help monitoring your conversation. There's no mystery about Willy. Why, he simply disappeared. Now, let's have no more curiosity about this bizarre cover-up.
Homer Simpson: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
Grandpa Simpson: Oh, it's not a swindle. What you do is, see… You give 'em ALL your credit card numbers, and if one of them is LUCKY they'll send you a PRIZE.
Mr. Burns: This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
Smithers: You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.Homer Simpson: Son, about last night. You might've noticed Daddy acting a little strange and you probably don't understand why.
Bart Simpson: I understand why. You were wasted.Homer Simpson: I'm sorry it happened, and I just hope you didn't lose a lot of respect for me.Bart Simpson: Dad, I have as much respect for you as I ever did or ever will.Homer Simpson: Aww.Homer Simpson: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.Bart Simpson: What about Abraham Lincoln?Homer Simpson: Uh, he sold poison milk to schoolchildren.
Chief Wiggum: What IS your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?[While operating on Homer.]
Dr. Nick Riviera: [Singing] The knee bone’s connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wristwatch. ...Uh oh.Principal Skinner: Blasted woman, you parked too close! Move your car!
Miss Krabapple: I'm in the lines. You got a problem, go tell mama!Principal Skinner: Oh, don't worry, she'll hear about this.
Kent Brockman: Top 'o the morning to ye on this gray, drizzly afternoon. Kent 'O Brockman live on Main Street, where today, everyone is a little bit Irish! Eh-heh, except, of course, for the gays and Italians.Bart Simpson: What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them -- as is my understanding...Chief Wiggum: See ya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with ya; otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scot-free.Homer Simpson: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire. Beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that... building... thingie... where our bedsandTV... is.Alien: I bring you love!
Lenny: It's bringing love! Don't let it get away!
Karl: Break its legs![Homer, feeling behind the couch for a peanut he dropped, finds a twenty-dollar bill]
Homer Simpson: Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut.Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer Simpson: Explain how.Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo!Principal Skinner: To who ever stole the "H" off of Superintendent Chalmers new Honda you think this is a laugh riot, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something that's not so funny: right now Superintendent Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl![The children burst into laughter]
Principal Skinner:Well, I guess that is a little funny.Homer Simpson: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa Simpson: No.Homer Simpson: Ham?Lisa Simpson: No!Homer Simpson: Pork chops?Lisa Simpson: Dad, those all come from the same animal!Homer Simpson: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa, a wonderful, magical animal.
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