Thursday, May 26, 2011

A usual workday

Video Break - Cold Case: Forever Blue



I'm not a big fan of these "crime drama" shows but this episode of Cold Case always chokes me up. Great music, use of B&W mixed with red and heartbreaking acting make this a must watch video though! Enjoy.

Links: My Favorite Stuff This Week

This is Link Kitty BTW. He's my favorite every week!
It's that time of year again! Hot shirtless Navy Cadets climbing a greasy pole. Some of them might even be out now!
The Pros and Cons of sitting down to pee
Insanely cool Easter Eggs hidden in classic films and TV shows
Watch cute puppy-dog Dunder go from baby to 40 years old in a few short seconds. Feel heart warm.
<--- This is not a painting! GO read about it at here!
Classic Haters Gonna Hate video - Haters have been hating for a long time it seems.
10 strange things you didn't know about the human body!
The Westboro Paradox. The case for Shirley Phelps being put out of all of our misery.
The realities of adulthood - Sad but funny!

 Australia has (stripper-level) talent! Watch this uber-hot Aussie perform "Sex Bomb"!
The craziest superhero punishments of all time
"Sure thing, I'd LOVE to help you move out of your two-bedroom apartment!"
Bill Maher continues to put the religious right on notice. Great speech.
A & F find 101 shirtless models and have them stand around Paris acting bored.

Movie Review: Thor


I'll begin this movie review by admitting that I have always been bored by Thor. I usually find most of the 1950's created "Avenger" type superheroes boring in fact. Thor was just a big guy with wings on his hat and bad hair. Besides his "verily" and "thou hast" speeches there was little to separate him from any of the other white-bread heroes of yesteryear. Even the fact he was a God bored me since the Vikings aren't exactly known for their creativity when it comes to Gods. It would have been much more interesting to explore the world, heroes, and villains of a Greek God for instance. Instead we get lots of Nordic beards and fancy helmets. Frozen landscapes and swords and shields. Thor is a God among men, except when he isn't, which is what this film explores.


It seems Thor has some issues with his father (what ancient deity doesn't have some daddy issues?) Odin, played with eye-patched gusto by a still very able Anthony Hopkins. Odin is desperate for one of his two sons to become the King of Asgard, their mythical home that is only reachable from Earth via a Rainbow Bridge. That's right, I said Rainbow Bridge. I was curious how Summer Blockbuster "Thor" would handle the Rainbow Bridge and they found a way that wasn't full-on rainbow. It was actually quite impressive. Odin's only other option for heir to the throne is Thor's sickly, vaguely coded gay brother Loki.


As is usually the case when two brothers are vying for a throne nothing good comes of this scenario. Add to that the fact Loki is the Norse God of Mischief and Strife and Thor soon finds his hot-temper getting the best of him, which leads Odin to banish him to Earth. We're like rehab for bad gods I guess.

Finding himself without his godly powers and without his trademark Hammer Thor is lost and confused. This film brought to mind a cult-classic of the 80's called "Beastmaster" with the warrior fish out of water story of a God attempting to understand a modern earth with the help of a female companion.


This time the companion is played by Natalie Portman in another A-List-actress-as-hero-hanger-on character that Marvel seems to keep being lucky enough to snag for superhero movies. I literally cannot remember Portman's characters name although I think Foster was in it somewhere. The scenes with Nat and her scientist pals alone are the weakest parts of this film. She brings no depth to her character. No reason as to why she "falls for" Thor over a day and a half.


OK, maybe I see why! What I'm getting at is that their on-screen chemistry seemed forced. Thor is more in his element when he is on a quest. Whether it be battling Frost Giants or finding his magic hammer, Thor is a man of action! Lots and lots of action. Some of it the kind of CGI action I hate.  Bad guys flying at the screen in rapid succession only to be vanquished by our hero. I chose to see Thor in 2D as all the 3D I've seen since Avatar has been dark and awful looking.

Here's Thor, with a shirt but still pretty hot, trying to reclaim the Hammer his dad thoughtlessly threw to Earth after him.

There was a lot to like about Thor. Chris Hemsworth has a lot of potential as a leading man in my opinion. He seems likeable and even relatable as Thor, something I didn't expect going in. The stuff with SHIELD was good. Kat Dannings as Natalie Portman's assistant had some good one-liners. We get a nice preview of one of the future Avengers about half-way through the film. Thor's friends in the film The Warriors Three and Sif, The Goddess of War were a nice touch.


They also spell out what was wrong with this film. A character like Thor needs a lot of back-story and we aren't given much here. All of his friends and even his foes are under-developed characters besides maybe Odin. Thor fights monsters and robots and we have no idea why exactly they exist in this world. They are just obstacles thrown in our heroes way as he lumbers through the predictable plot of reckless youth to doubting Thomas. Then, of course, having the classic movie revelation that everything he has done for the last hour has been stupid and becoming the hero we all knew he was from the beginning.

To Thor's credit this all played out quickly and to the point. The affects aren't totally lost on me but they are a bit overdone. Hemsworth, Hiddleston, and Hopkins (Triple H!) are the standouts here and everything else is kind of lost in the background. I can't help but feel Thor is just another warm-up film for "The Avengers". "Iron Man 2" sure felt that way. Just a step toward the money-shot so to speak. There is the usual post credit plot development here too so stay tuned after the credits! Overall this was a big-budget time waster. The kind of thing that I enjoyed but won't recall the details of in a few weeks. I eat these Marvel movies up with lots of popcorn though. Even the not so great ones. Don't be surprised if "X-Men: First Class" doesn't get a review!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

How I'll spend May 21st!

If The Rapture occurs, this comic is invalid

Video Break - Rolling in The Deep by Adele

Wit and Wisdom of The Simpsons Part 1

Some of the funniest Simpsons quotes from the last 20 years. Part 1 of an 110 part series!

Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, your sexual harassment suit is exactly what I need to help rebuild my shattered practice. Care to join me in a belt of scotch?
Marge Simpson: But it's only 9:30 in the morning!
Lionel Hutz: Yeah, but I haven't slept in days.


Lisa Simpson: I still believe in protecting animal's rights, but that still doesn't excuse what I did. I'm sorry for wrecking your barbecue, dad.
Homer Simpson: That's okay, honey. I used to believe in things too.


Marge Simpson: Well it doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know? It's what shows up on the surface that counts. That's what my mother taught me. Take all your bad feelings and push them down, all the way down, past your knees until you're almost walking on them. And then you'll fit in, and you'll be invited to parties, and boys will like you, and happiness will follow.


Homer Simpson: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.


Grandpa Simpson: The good Lord lets us grow old for a reason: to gain the wisdom and to find fault with everything He's made. Mr. Peterson, you can take this job and re-staff it! And one more thing... I never once washed my hands. That's your policy, not mine!

Homer Simpson: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!


Ralph Wiggum: When I grown up, I'm going to Bovine University!


Bart Simpson: You lie like a fly with a booger in its eye.
Homer Simpson: [Laughing] The fly was funny, but the booger was the icing on the cake!


Mr. Burns: Smithers, why didn't you tell me about this market crash!
Smithers: Um, well, sir... it happened twenty-five years before I was born.
Mr. Burns: Oh, that's your excuse for everything!


[Bart's looking for his dog.]
Willy: Yeah, I bought your mutt -- and I 'ate 'im! [Bart gasps.] I 'ate 'is little face, I 'ate 'is guts, and I 'ate the way 'e's always barkin'! So I gave 'im to the church.
Bart Simpson: Ohhh, I see... you HATE him, so you gave him to the church.
Willy: Aye. I also 'ate the mess he left on me rug. [Bart stares.] Ya heard me!


Chief Wiggum: All right, you scrawny beanpoles: becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge.
Man: Forget about the badge! When do we get the freakin' guns?!
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I told you, you don't get your gun until you tell me your name.
Man: I've had it up to here with your "rules"!
[Leaves]


Marge Simpson: I think we're going to need a bigger place.
Homer Simpson: No, we don't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's room and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
Marge Simpson: Won't that warp him?
Homer Simpson: My cousin Frank did it.
Marge Simpson: You don't have a cousin Frank.
Homer Simpson: He became Francine in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now.


[Dr. Nick Faces the Medical Review Board]
Dr. Nick: Hi Everybody!
The Board: Hi, Dr. Nick!
Board Chairman: Dr. Nick, this malpractice committee has received a few complaints against you. Of the 160 gravest charges, the most troubling are performing major operations with a knife and fork from a seafood restaurant...
Dr. Nick: But I cleaned them with my napkin!
Board Chairman: ...misuse of cadavers...
Dr. Nick: I get here earlier when I drive in the carpool lane!


Kirk Van Houten: If you see a tie on the doorknob, that means I'm with a lady.
Homer Simpson: But you don't have a doorknob.
Kirk Van Houten: I don't have a tie either!


Kent Brockman: The Weather Service has warned us to brace ourselves for the onslaught of Hurricane Barbara. And if you think naming a destructive storm after a woman is sexist, you obviously have never seen the gals grabbing for items at a clearance sale.


Lenny: Hey, what happened? It's bright in the middle of the night.
Carl: You know what this reminds me of? My Icelandic boyhood.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Eye Candy: Charlie McDermott

Charlie McDermott caught my eye as the frequently shirtless (and pantsless) Axel Heck on the ABC Comedy "The Middle". Charlie has amazing eyes, amazing hair, and an amazing bod which is on display at least once a week on the underrated sitcom. He is also a talented comedic actor, and has tackled more dramatic roles in "Frozen River" and holds his own alongside Jeff Bridges in "Disappearances", a Western in which he made a name for himself in as an up and coming younger actor. Deff. someone to watch!
 Here is Charlie in action on The Middle, where he acts like most typical teens and runs around in his undies! He's 20+ years old so don't feel guilty!
hot
hotter
hotter
Oh my!
Hope you enjoyed!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

TV Review: Lady Gaga presents The Monsters Ball Tour: At Madison Square Garden

I admit it... I am one of Lady Gaga's Little Monsters. Oh I don't walk around with stuffed animals taped to my forehead or blood dripping from my chest, but I can relate to feeling like an outsider. An oddball. Someone who feels like they are often forced into a life of conformity when I sometimes just want to let my freak flag fly! 

Lady Gaga has tapped into these feelings of repressed artistic fulfillment and made a fortune out of it. With her HBO "Monsters Ball" special it is obvious she is a master of stage-craft and audience immersion. She tells everyone in the crowd that someday "they will be the bitch up on stage", although the likelihood of that is slim to none. I doubt there is ever another Lady Gaga.

Everyone is made to feel a part of the show here as Gaga and her friends go on an abstract and Oz-like trip down The Glitter Way to the Monster's Ball through song, costume, and even giant tentacled Fame-Monster puppet. She shines a spotlight, in the form of a disco stick, at her adoring public at one point. She makes a habit of complimenting audience members on their fashion choices which are quaint in the face of what Miss Gaga wears during this show. Even celebrity guests Liza Minnelli and Marisa Tomei get a shout out! Everyone with a (very expensive) seat in Madison Square Garden is a little monster she makes clear from early on. This is their night to shine!

What a night it is! A high-energy show with enough dancing, quirky props, and hit after hit to keep you hooked. Even the lesser know Gaga songs don't disappoint. There is so much to see your brain has a hard time taking it all in. From her "Black Angel" harp player to her fountain of blood to her hunky guitar player who is billed as "Jesus Christ". The Religious symbolism aside, she dances up a storm and somehow makes this circus of freaks come together and form an entertaining spectacle.

Gaga's dancers have always intrigued me. Not overtly attractive or ugly. More "sinister" looking if I had to pick a word. All with bodies chiseled from stone of course. Seeing how they are in constant motion for one hour and forty-five minutes a night its not hard to see why they all have abs to die for. Their costumes are either simple colors or rags. All to enhance whatever Gaga has on at the moment no doubt.

The first real "anthem" (of which there are many) of the night is still my #1 favorite. "Just Dance" is performed using a synthesizer that appears out of the smoking hood of a post-apocalyptic turbo-car.



Gaga doesn't want to have her paying fans have to listen to "some bitch" lip-synching at one of her shows and she does an impressive job of staying in tune and never very out of breath. I'm not sure how she pulls it off to be honest. I'd be sucking wind just from the rapid-fire costume changes, which the HBO cameras catch glimpses of between performances.

The headpiece to this one opens and closes like a Peacocks feathers
Some of the best moments of this show are Gaga speaking to the crowd. Foul-mouthed and shocking  but also loving and accepting all at once. She comments that the only thing better than a unicorn is a gay unicorn for instance. She tells all the young ones in the crowd they can be whatever they want to be. She says she feels like Tinker Bell and needs everyone to SCREAM to keep her alive. Gaga seems at home on the stage speaking and singing. In a contrasting moment we get to see an interview where she tearfully describes still feeling like a freak herself sometimes. It is obvious the (somewhat over-dramatic) feeling passes quickly! Coming on stage dressed as a nun in a see-through Tupperware dress probably FORCES you to throw all your inhibitions out the window.



Overall I would recommend this show to anyone who is even a casual Gaga fan. Besides a sappy piano balled in the middle and an overuse of the New York City aspect (we get it! As if New Yorkers and The Garden need any more validation that they are "special") I thoroughly enjoyed the show. I SO wanted to go see Monster's Ball when it was in the area but tickets were outrageous! As much as Gaga claims she hates money, which she does many times here, she sure is raking it in. It's not hard to see why.