TV Review: Teen Wolf

I've never seen the Michael J. Fox version of "Teen Wolf", but I understand this new MTV creation is nothing like it. All I remember about that film was a werewolf in a letter jacket playing basketball. Much like "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" before it this new series seems to want to take everything good about the original and leave the cheese on the side. Not so much camp and a lot more drama and horror. Not to say "Teen Wolf" isn't great on a campy level as well! There are at least 4 or 5 eye-rolling plot devices every week in fact. It's the latest entry into the werewolf/vampire canon of TV shows/books/movies and while it isn't the best thing on TV it entertains me for an hour each week.

Stupid!

Could it be the hot cast? Because there is seriously a lot of hot! With only 3 female leads on a show compared to 5 good looking men, TW brings the beefcake each week. Characters seem to lose their shirts for no reason. Sometimes they are working out, as seen here.

Feel the burn? I do!

Other times they are sleeping. Changing after Lacrosse practice. Morphing into a wolf. Whatever works! Point is, the hot trifecta of Tyler Posey, Colton Haynes, and Tyler Hoechlin keep me glued to the tube. They may play high schoolers but all three guys are of age (I checked) so from a purely dirty level the show delivers the goods. Add to those three the adorable Dylan O'Brien as Teen Wolf Scott's quick-witted sidekick Stiles and there isn't a scene that doesn't work. I'm sure there are a million slash writer girls (why are so many gay slash writers girls?) going nuts combining these 4 guys into pairs and threesomes. You could even throw in Jackson's (Colton Haynes) gay best friend Lacrosse player. He's pretty cute too, with the three lines he has been given.

Derek stalks Jackson in the locker room. Sweaty towels and all!

As far as characters, "Teen Wolf" follows the angsty life of Scott McCall. Scott is a somewhat typical teen TV creation. A "loser" who looks like a GQ model. We know he is a loser in the first episode because he uses an inhaler and cannot play Lacrosse. Fun fact here. Both of those things apply to me so I am officially a loser in MTVs eyes! Darn!

With werewolf powers comes Lacrosse responsibility

Scott and Stiles go snooping and of course Scott has a run in with Bitey the werewolf. Suddenly he can hear what is going on a block away. He doesn't have asthma. He can play Lacrosse. Hair is growing in strange new places. Thankfully it doesn't take Scott long to realize he is a full-blown werewolf.

First Werewolf rule. Lock the bathroom door!

But not the alpha wolf, it turns out. His werewolf frienamy Derek fills him in on this soon enough. Derek is a cocky fellow wolf who LOVES to flaunt how smart he is. I would totally hate the character if not for the fact he looks like this!

Dude loves to exercise!

So Scott, Derek, and Stiles are on a quest to figure out who the "alpha" wolf in town is. Could it be the creepy science teacher? The vet who Scott works for who seems to be neck-deep in werewolf sightings? Or maybe one of Scott's classmates.

Speaking of Alphas, that brings up the schools alpha male Jackson (Colton Haynes) who thankfully is written as a bully with a little depth. He hates that Scott has taken over as the star of the Lacrosse team but instead of giving him swirlies and throwing punches Jackson wants to know how and why Scott is suddenly the cock of the walk around school. Assuming steroids, Jackson gets messed up in the werewolfs biznas pretty early on as well.

Totally not gay boy-kissing XY model Colton Haynes as Jackson

You'd better get that looked at!

Then we have Scott's love interest Alison (Crystal Reed) whose family also happen to be werewolf hunters with a garage full of silver-bullets. Alison is clueless to all of this and has the unenviable role of being the only clueless character of the show (so far). Alison is another "nerdy teen" who looks like a model. With a family that moves once a year she is supposed to be deep and brooding. It is a little hard to buy that such a "moody" girl would fall in love with the most popular guy in school and be best gal pals with Jackson's ditzy-bitch girlfriend Lydia (Holland Roden) after a week in class. Aren't we supposed to pick on the new girl? Anyway, she gets Scott hot under the collar and this leads to a few "wolf-outs" early on as Scott cannot control his heart-rate when she is around.

From teenage hormones

To this! Maybe try Proactive?

The plot is fun. It is a nice blend of serious drama mixed with lighter moments. It seems each week that Scott has to wrestle with how to live a normal life when something paranormal is going on around him. The character Stiles steals the show with his one-liners and hyper energy. It has been said all around that the show makes Stiles a little TOO obsessed with Scott. Like in love with him obsessed. Even this makes for a fun layer of subtext in my opinion.

So? Wanna hit the showers orrrrr...

Did you just whisper I love you?

"Teen Wolf" is escapist fun. I'm glad MTV is trying their hand at scripted series again. More shows like "Teen Wolf" would be great. While I don't ever see it gaining the fan base or depth of "Buffy" it is carrying on the tradition of recycling something old and silly into something fresh and edgy. Check it out!

Plus none of this mess thank goodness

Video Break: Cute Youtube Guys Addition

First up is Michael Henry, Justin Robinett, and the adorable Alex Goot (who can seemingly play every instrument known to man) with an Adele mashup


Next is Sam Tsui and the insane voice of Nick Pitera doing "For Good" from Wicked!

Links: Stuff I liked this week

 

But what about ME?! First world problems.

Six 80's Toys with horrible origin stories!

Forget Charlie Bucket: Who Willie Wonka should have hired instead.

A cat licking a young boys head... for 9 minutes straight!

A list of all the words you cannot say on regular TV. What does "Wop" mean?

A Glee romance infographic! My Glee Club was never this horny :-P

Introducing... The Tiniest Warbler :D

Can't ever have too much "forever alone" meme

 A hot photospread from Made In Brazil #3! (Above)

Yes I got bored enough once to play Rock, Paper, Scissors vs a computer!

28 Movie Posters from the POV of minor characters

Broadway hottie Brandon Rubendall ALMOST makes me want to get a ticket to Spider-man! Video is HOT!!! He has a boyfriend though :-(

20 Bands from the 90's I miss. Good list!

An Investigation. How Vulnerable are Superheroes Crotches?
People who were duped by The Onion speak out. Hilarity ensues!

Wit and Wisdom of The Simpsons Part 2

Some of the funniest Simpsons quotes from the last 20 years. Part 2 of an 110 part series!

Principal Skinner: Children, I couldn't help monitoring your conversation. There's no mystery about Willy. Why, he simply disappeared. Now, let's have no more curiosity about this bizarre cover-up.

Homer Simpson: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

Grandpa Simpson: Oh, it's not a swindle. What you do is, see… You give 'em ALL your credit card numbers, and if one of them is LUCKY they'll send you a PRIZE.

Mr. Burns: This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.

Smithers: You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.

Homer Simpson: Son, about last night. You might've noticed Daddy acting a little strange and you probably don't understand why.

Bart Simpson: I understand why. You were wasted.

Homer Simpson: I'm sorry it happened, and I just hope you didn't lose a lot of respect for me.

Bart Simpson: Dad, I have as much respect for you as I ever did or ever will.

Homer Simpson: Aww.

Homer Simpson: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.

Bart Simpson: What about Abraham Lincoln?

Homer Simpson: Uh, he sold poison milk to schoolchildren.

Chief Wiggum: What IS your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?

[While operating on Homer.]

Dr. Nick Riviera: [Singing] The knee bone’s connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wristwatch. ...Uh oh.

Principal Skinner: Blasted woman, you parked too close! Move your car!

Miss Krabapple: I'm in the lines. You got a problem, go tell mama!

Principal Skinner: Oh, don't worry, she'll hear about this.

Kent Brockman: Top 'o the morning to ye on this gray, drizzly afternoon. Kent 'O Brockman live on Main Street, where today, everyone is a little bit Irish! Eh-heh, except, of course, for the gays and Italians.

Bart Simpson: What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them -- as is my understanding...

Chief Wiggum: See ya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with ya; otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scot-free.

Homer Simpson: Oh, Lisa, you and your stories: Bart's a vampire. Beer kills brain cells. Now let's go back to that... building... thingie... where our bedsandTV... is.

Alien: I bring you love!

Lenny: It's bringing love! Don't let it get away!

Karl: Break its legs!

[Homer, feeling behind the couch for a peanut he dropped, finds a twenty-dollar bill]

Homer Simpson: Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut.

Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.

Homer Simpson: Explain how.

Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo!

Principal Skinner: To who ever stole the "H" off of Superintendent Chalmers new Honda you think this is a laugh riot, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something that's not so funny: right now Superintendent Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl!

[The children burst into laughter]

Principal Skinner:Well, I guess that is a little funny.

Homer Simpson: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?

Lisa Simpson: No.

Homer Simpson: Ham?

Lisa Simpson: No!

Homer Simpson: Pork chops?

Lisa Simpson: Dad, those all come from the same animal!

Homer Simpson: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa, a wonderful, magical animal.

How "Lost" should have ended

Video break: Good Touch, bad Touch

Mythbusters is out of ideas :-/

Poetry Corner: Maud Muller by John Greenleaf Whittier

MAUD MULLER, on a summer's day,

Raked the meadows sweet with hay.

Beneath her torn hat glowed the wealth

Of simple beauty and rustic health.

 

Singing, she wrought, and her merry glee

The mock-bird echoed from his tree.

But, when she glanced to the far-off town,

White from its hill-slope looking down,

 

The sweet song died, and a vague unrest

And a nameless longing filled her breast--

A wish, that she hardly dared to own,

For something better than she had known.

 

The Judge rode slowly down the lane,

Smoothing his horse's chestnut mane.

He drew his bridle in the shade

Of the apple-trees, to greet the maid,

 

And ask a draught from the spring that flowed

Through the meadow across the road.

She stooped where the cool spring bubbled up,

And filled for him her small tin cup,

 

And blushed as she gave it, looking down

On her feet so bare, and her tattered gown.

"Thanks!" said the Judge, "a sweeter draught

From a fairer hand was never quaffed."

 

He spoke of the grass and flowers and trees,

Of the singing birds and the humming bees;

Then talked of the haying, and wondered whether

The cloud in the west would bring foul weather.

 

And Maud forgot her briar-torn gown,

And her graceful ankles bare and brown;

And listened, while a pleasant surprise

Looked from her long-lashed hazel eyes.

 

At last, like one who for delay

Seeks a vain excuse, he rode away,

Maud Muller looked and sighed: "Ah, me!

That I the Judge's bride might be!

 

"He would dress me up in silks so fine,

And praise and toast me at his wine.

"My father should wear a broadcloth coat;

My brother should sail a painted boat.

 

"I'd dress my mother so grand and gay,

And the baby should have a new toy each day.

"And I'd feed the hungry and clothe the poor,

And all should bless me who left our door."

 

The Judge looked back as he climbed the hill,

And saw Maud Muller standing still.

"A form more fair, a face more sweet,

Ne'er hath it been my lot to meet.

 

"And her modest answer and graceful air

Show her wise and good as she is fair.

"Would she were mine, and I to-day,

Like her, a harvester of hay:

 

"No doubtful balance of rights and wrongs,

Nor weary lawyers with endless tongues,

"But low of cattle, and song of birds,

And health, and quiet, and loving words."

 

But he thought of his sisters, proud and cold,

And his mother, vain of her rank and gold.

So, closing his heart, the Judge rode on,

And Maud was left in the field alone.

 

But the lawyers smiled that afternoon,

When he hummed in court an old love-tune;

And the young girl mused beside the well,

Till the rain on the unraked clover fell.

 

He wedded a wife of richest dower,

Who lived for fashion, as he for power.

Yet oft, in his marble hearth's bright glow,

He watched a picture come and go:

 

And sweet Maud Muller's hazel eyes

Looked out in their innocent surprise.

Oft when the wine in his glass was red,

He longed for the wayside well instead;

 

And closed his eyes on his garnished rooms,

To dream of meadows and clover-blooms.

And the proud man sighed, with a secret pain,

"Ah, that I were free again!

 

"Free as when I rode that day,

Where the barefoot maiden raked her hay."

She wedded a man unlearned and poor,

And many children played round her door.

 

But care and sorrow, and child-birth pain,

Left their traces on heart and brain.

And oft, when the summer sun shone hot

On the new-mown hay in the meadow lot,

 

And she heard the little spring brook fall

Over the roadside, through the wall,

In the shade of the apple-tree again

She saw a rider draw his rein,

 

And, gazing down with timid grace,

She felt his pleased eyes read her face.

Sometimes her narrow kitchen walls

Stretched away into stately halls;

 

The weary wheel to a spinnet turned,

The tallow candle an astral burned;

And for him who sat by the chimney lug,

Dozing and grumbling o'er pipe and mug,

 

A manly form at her side she saw,

And joy was duty and love was law.

Then she took up her burden of life again,

Saying only, "It might have been."

 

Alas for maiden, alas for Judge,

For rich repiner and household drudge!

God pity them both! and pity us all,

Who vainly the dreams of youth recall;

 

For of all sad words of tongue or pen,

The saddest are these: "It might have been!"

Ah, well! for us all some sweet hope lies

Deeply buried from human eyes;

 

And, in the hereafter, angels may

Roll the stone from its grave away!